Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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