If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
