We won't sleep together?
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
