Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
