I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
