im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
