she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
