Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You can't special order awesome
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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