is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
