She said her name was "party"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
