you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
