Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
