I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
