she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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