Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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