It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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