god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
