between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
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I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
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this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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