does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
