Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
