Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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