after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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