she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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