Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
