we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
