Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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