She is in my trunk
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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