It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
God, I missed his penis.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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