I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
