you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
