Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
