if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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