youre lurking in front of me
Pappa wants mamma naked
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
