He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
