From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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