i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
