I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
