I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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