Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
