god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
