You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
