she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
