I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
