dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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