You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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