Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
