You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
