someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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