Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
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Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
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I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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