I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
