just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
