Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
