Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He told me they were just razor bumps!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
