I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
