This is not my ceiling
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's no shave November. This is our time.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
