When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
