I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
