Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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