When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
