Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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