His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
