Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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