I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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