I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
