Can i not drive my cunt home
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
