five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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