glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
