nut hugger
Are we in a gay sports bar?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
