Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
