I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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