What a fucking waste of an outfit
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
