chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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