I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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