were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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