yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
