Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
