I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
